Finally! Another Beatles Album! (sigh)

I'm not actually excited in any way. And this is coming from a life-long, die-hard Beatle-maniac. The latest release is actually the soundtrack to the Cirque de Soleil performance of the same name, which was choreographed to popular Beatles tracks.

By my last count, there have been 77 albums released under the Beatles name. Oh - that is only counting those released since they broke up in the spring of 1970. The group only managed 11 official albums while they were together (1962-1970). Amazing. They're seven times as productive as when they were actually making music together.

The thing that bothers me is that the Beatles have only created two new songs in the 36-year span since they parted ways. So each new album is essentially a reordering of the same old songs. Sometimes they throw a trombone somewhere in the background.

TV: Buy the Beatles NEW album!! For the first time! "Yellow Submarine" and "Octopus's Garden" on the same disc!

Average fan: But I already have both of those songs. In fact, I have all their songs.

TV: Yes, er... but do you them - back-to-back!?!

Average fan: All that for $23? Go on...

Even George Lucas adds 47 extra seconds whenever he re-re-re-releases a Star War. Or he'll change Jabba the Hutt's color from putrid brown to a brighter earthy tone. At least there is a minutia of difference in content to insult our intelligence into thinking we're buying something new.

It's easy to understand why every year seems to bring about a "new" release from the most lucrative band of the past century. But it still begs us to ask the remaining living Beatles, "How much money do you really need from these songs?" However, the Beatles themselves do not even possess the rights to their own music. The pimps of their music are - and have been for the last two decades - Michael Jackson and Sony Music, Corp.

This Faustian partnership shrewdly bought up just about every title the Beatles ever created when the copyrights expired and went up for auction in the early 1980s. So every time you hear "Twist and Shout" backing a tampon commercial, you can thank Mikey and company.

As Mr. Jackson seems to find himself in more and more legal trouble, you can expect the commercialization and careless licensing of Beatles music to get worse before it gets better. Don't be surprised to hear these songs in commercials sometime in the near future:

Lucy in the Sky With DiamondsTiffany's™
I'm So TiredRed Bull™
Golden SlumbersNyquil™
Hello, GoodbyeExLax™ Constipation Relief
I Am the Walrusacne treatment
I Should Have Known Betterdebt relief
Happiness is a Warm Gun;
Run For Your Life
National Rifle Association©
From Me to YouSTD Advisory Board
You've Got to Hide Your Love Awaypublic service announcements against public nudity
All You Need is Loveescort services
When I'm 64;
I've Got a Feeling
Please, Please Me;
Come Together
KY Jelly®

As for me, I plan to use Beatles lyrics as my opening statement in an upcoming court appearance:

She was just seventeen, You know what I mean

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