Take Your HellSpawn to Work Day

OR

How Daddy and I Wasted 8 Hours on the Clock

"i promise to respect your job now!"

Today was Bring Your Brat to Work Day. Since federal laws have been passed to prevent me from breeding, I was unable to participate. So all day I walked the halls one way while on the other side I observed a procession of executives holding hands with tiny clones of themselves. It was kind of like seeing a visual representation of the emotional baggage each employee lugs around every day. Kinda cute.

But I wasn't totally left out. On three separate occasions, somebody came up to me and asked, "Aww. Poor little guy. Did you lose your Mommy or Daddy?" Just because I'm crying doesn't mean I'm lost, okay? One guy promised to make it all better but after he led me into the parking lot, I realized he was just trying to bait me into his car. No candy from strangers! I always forget that one.

"have you ever seen a gladiator movie, Timmy?"

Apparently manners were not on the lesson plan today. More than a few of these little monsters stared open-mouthed at the 2-inch gash on my forehead (don't ask) as they walked by. Two of them actually had the nerve to point and ask, "How dat happen?"

Wanting to do my part to teach the youth, I pointed to the wound and shouted, "This is what happens when you don't clean your room!" Mommy was not amused.

When I got to work this morning, I headed to the restroom. When I saw three adult males, each holding a small boy up to a different urinal, I was ready to call the cops. But then I remembered what day it was. Usually you get 8-to-10 for that sort of thing.

"Umm... I'm still waiting on that coffee."

Having kids in a workplace is a complete distraction. First of all, they take like 10 smoke breaks a day. It's not fair. Their lungs are smaller. They should get fewer breaks. Not more.

The company might also be in some serious legal trouble. The National Organization for Women has already received dozens of complaints about the female employees not being able to do their jobs today. Apparently they couldn't attend any meetings as some person(s) posted signs outside the conference rooms that read, "NO GIRRLS ALOWED!"

My opinion is that the whole thing is just bad news. I don't know how it happened, but someone's kid managed to change the entire employee benefits plan. Health insurance has now been replaced by "free cookies before bedtime." Darn kids.

the original 'bring your child to work day'