Doing Lines

It's not about drugs so keep on moving, Maynard G. Krebs.

Any culture can be defined by how their citizens behaves while standing in lines.

The English, not surprisingly, have a formal word for "queueing up" and their execution is just as ordered and civil as you would expect from any Brit.

The French, as a rule, do not believe in lines. They see a number of people standing in a linear direction. They notice something they want located at the beginning of this linear mass. The French, after all, are quite well known for their standing by and watching shit go down. But they believe that the simultaneous presence of something they want and a line of people emanating from that object to be mere coincidence. So they do the sensible thing and squeeze themselves through every visible gap to get to the front as soon as possible. And thanks very much to you for allowing that 4 inch gap between you and your beloved for which Pierre and 6 of his amis are casually passing through.

I am convinced the French developed this approach for no other reason than to piss off the English. The countries fought for centuries over French lands. The English were relentless in their pursuit to control both sides of the Channel. But as soon as the French started "rogering up the queues," the fight was abandoned and the English haven't returned since. I assume their reasoning involved the phrase "bloody savages." This feeling has changed little over the past 200 years.

Americans, as always, have their own way of doing things. At the sight of 3 or more people gathered together, all Americans have the same initial thought: "What they hell are they waiting for? I bet it's pretty damn good. I'd better hurry up and get in on this too before whatever it is runs out."

The most popular vacation destination for Americans is the theme park saturated city of Orlando, Florida. A place where 90% of time is spent standing in line and Americans lovingly refer to as "The Happiest Place on Earth."

For the record, the entirety of this post was composed while waiting to get into The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. One hour down... two to go.


  1. Ah, yes, but Disney World is also the home of the "FASTPASS." That's only a little line:)

  2. I have a buddy who actually decides where to eat on vacation by which place has the longest line