Judgement Day

According to reputable source The Internet, the Christian Bible foretells that Judgement Day was to occur precisely on May 21, 2011, Earth. This is to be followed by the resurrection of the dead, destruction of the world, yada yada, the undoing of existence, etc.

For those of you who don't recall, Judgement Day begins with The Rapture, the moment Jesus returns to pick out his favorites to join him in heaven for eternity. The damned, unwanted and red-headed remainders are to left wallow and wait out the end of the world which, according to said Internet, is to occur on October 21 of the same year.

If my memory serves me correctly, Judgement Day is also supposed to involve some pretty badass robots chasing each other around in an epic battle with lots of high intensity, edge-of-your-seat action. One of the robots has the ability to turn into liquid mercury. Very cool.

Due to the fact that it is - as of press time - May 22, 2011, I can only draw one conclusion: God didn't get my RSVP. Also, that chick I was supposed to hang out with must have been one of the Chosen Ones because why else isn't she answering her damn phone?

So. October 21. Right before Halloween. Bummer. If ever there was a party made for the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, it would have been The Last Halloween Ever (Special Guest: David Bowie).

The only thing left to do now is spend the next five months really kicking ass and pushing my sin limits to the max. For the soulless left-behinds who are currently reading this, I promise you: it won't be pretty. I plan to get into some real nasty stuff. You can bet your ass that there will be absolutely no exercising. I'm going to eat whatever the hell I want. I'm going to use crude language and fuckin cuss like no damn ass-bitch ever shat before. Balls! And I sure as hell ain't getting my ass up at 8am to go to work. I'm cruising in at least 10. Maybe even 10:30 if I was up late the night before.

So... no real changes at all. I might try to learn French.

1 comment:

  1. I need ya clothes, ya boots and ya motacycle.