8/12/2007

Sleeping in the Pool - Swimming in the Bed

I had just completed my daily routine of 500 laps in the pool and was drying my sun-bronzed, hunky muscles when I happened to take note of the pool rules hanging lazily from the gate. As I read through each item, I was struck by something peculiar. That peculiar something was not an Oompa Loompa singing Sinatra and throwing punches - for once - but instead what struck me was a feeling. Sure, I manage to violate about 90% of the rules every time I'm there. But there was something else... Something... familiar.

It wasn't until I was back in my apartment - bench pressing 300 lbs for 5 sets of 20 reps - that I realized what it was about the list that tickled my brain. It was the fact that they are basically the same rules I have for my bedroom. But I'd never thought of writing them down and posting them.

The more I thought about it - and you know I thought about it at great length - I realized that this would save me a lot of the legal and ethical dilemmas I find myself encountered with on a far-too-frequent basis. So I decided to rip the sign off and hang it proudly upon my door. They were to become my commandments. I am Moses and this my Mount.

Later, as I sipped on a chilled bottle of vitamin water and bit heartily into a 20g protein bar, I stood back and admired the sight before me. Now, every lucky dame who enters my quarters shall be greeted thusly:


    RULES
    HOURS: 8am PM to 8 pm AM

  • No running allowed
  • No glass products permitted
  • No electronic devices permitted
  • No persons with communicable infection or disease permitted entrance
  • Do not tamper with the equipment
  • For consideration of future guests, please use the shower upon both entering and exiting
  • Urination will be punished with a lifetime ban
  • Guests enter at their own risk: Management not responsible for accident or injury
  • Protective eye-wear strongly recommended
  • All guests must be accompanied at all times; No solo activity permitted
  • No pets allowed
  • Children under 14 must be accompanied by a legal guardian
  • Maximum Occupancy: 33
  • Membership fees due on the first of every month


I was going to steal the signs for the diving and pool-slide area too, but that stuff was way too kinky - even for me. And you gotta give me credit for not even once using the term "breaststroke".

Ah dammit. Almost made it.

1 comment:

  1. Stine28.8.07

    Bad idea showing me this page, seph.

    I had just completed my daily routine of 500 laps in the pool and was drying my sun-bronzed, hunky muscles

    XD You're an idiot. The idea of this being on your door makes me crack up, especially this one;

    Urination will be punished with a lifetime ban

    Amen, mister. Amen.

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