Sleeping in the Pool - Swimming in the Bed

I had just completed my daily routine of 500 laps in the pool and was drying my sun-bronzed, hunky muscles when I happened to take note of the pool rules hanging lazily from the gate. As I read through each item, I was struck by something peculiar. That peculiar something was not an Oompa Loompa singing Sinatra and throwing punches - for once - but instead what struck me was a feeling. Sure, I manage to violate about 90% of the rules every time I'm there. But there was something else... Something... familiar.

It wasn't until I was back in my apartment - bench pressing 300 lbs for 5 sets of 20 reps - that I realized what it was about the list that tickled my brain. It was the fact that they are basically the same rules I have for my bedroom. But I'd never thought of writing them down and posting them.

The more I thought about it - and you know I thought about it at great length - I realized that this would save me a lot of the legal and ethical dilemmas I find myself encountered with on a far-too-frequent basis. So I decided to rip the sign off and hang it proudly upon my door. They were to become my commandments. I am Moses and this my Mount.

Later, as I sipped on a chilled bottle of vitamin water and bit heartily into a 20g protein bar, I stood back and admired the sight before me. Now, every lucky dame who enters my quarters shall be greeted thusly:

RULES HOURS: 8am PM to 8 pm AM No running allowed No glass products permitted No electronic devices permitted No persons with communicable infection or disease permitted entrance Do not tamper with the equipment For consideration of future guests, please use the shower upon both entering and exiting Urination will be punished with a lifetime ban Guests enter at their own risk: Management not responsible for accident or injury Protective eye-wear strongly recommended All guests must be accompanied at all times; No solo activity permitted No pets allowed Children under 14 must be accompanied by a legal guardian Maximum Occupancy: 33 Membership fees due on the first of every month

I was going to steal the signs for the diving and pool-slide area too, but that stuff was way too kinky - even for me. And you gotta give me credit for not even once using the term "breaststroke".

Ah dammit. Almost made it.