The `Who ARE You?` Hookup

a frosty brewI was pretty drunk by the time we got to the house party. Correction: I was pretty drunk by the time we got to the 3rd house party of the night. I had done more than my share of beer-ponging, flip-cupping, keg-standing and 'seriously this is the last one'-ing. But I swear: I wasn't that drunk.

We entered a house we'd never been in through the kitchen at around 1am - an act that can only be pulled off as long as the house inhabitants are more drunk than yourself. About fourteen people we had never seen before huddled around a flowing beer keg as if it were a campfire in the dead of winter. Another spent keg sat unattended in the corner. The drops of condensation on its body looked more like tears of neglect.

We spent the next two hours doing most of the things you do when you don't know anyone at a party. We clung together and made fun of everyone else in the room. We made fun of people we knew but weren't there. We let pretty girls go ahead of us in bathroom and keg lines, certain that our acts of chivalry would pay off. How original.

Normally, I would feel guilty about my slacking effort to meet people. But this wasn't my school. It was just a weekend visit to see some old buddies. I'd be gone by lunchtime the next day and would never see any of these people again. I was free to make a fool. Tell unfunny jokes. Get as drunk as I please. You know, like a typical Monday morning at work.

The expected events of the night took a turn when a cute blond in a pink polo shirt came up to talk to me.


"Well, hey!" So far, so good - minus the upturned collar of her shirt. But we all have flaws. I'm proud that I could look past that. Well, not past. Just a few inches south.

"Umm... Jodi wants to talk to you. She's out on the porch."

I had no idea who Jodi was or why she would want to talk to me. Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever met anyone named Jodi before.


"Jodi told me to come get you. Go to the front porch."

Despite my utter confusion, I wasn't about to question being sent to a girl requesting my attendance.

I made my way through the living room to the front door, expertly navigating a floor covered in bodies passed out, making out and smoking up. I opened the extra-wide door and peered outside.

I boldly stepped out, my feet quickly landing on cement and without thinking I closed the door behind me. Mom would have been so proud. However, my confusion only grew as there was no light to help make sense of who or what awaited me. I could see no more than a faint outline of a person sitting on the porch swing some 15 feet away. Or was it a lamp sitting on top of an old speaker?

"Hey you. Come on over."

As I sat down, I couldn't see past my nose into the chilly November night. Twelve inches away, I couldn't even tell if this girl actually had a face.

And that's when it started. It just came out - like a confession that had just broken free of immense pressure to hold it within. Rapid. No order. No sense.

"Look... I like you. And I really, really want to kiss you. And I really had fun with you tonight. It's just..."

As soon as I heard her voice, I was certain: I had never spoken to this girl before in my life.

"... hold on. Let me just get my thoughts together." Uh. Me too, honey.

It was then a few partygoers spilled out of the front door and a small beam of light shown on to her face. Yup. Total stranger. But my back was to the door, so my face was still a mystery to her. The backlighting effect really seemed to further the mysterious air I was unknowingly casting. And didn't she say something about kissing? Let's get back to that.

"Okay. It's just that I just got out of a really long relationship - like I told you. And my head is still spinning. It's been so hard. Like crazy. I just can't get my heart broken again, you know? And then he showed up tonight and it was so awkward. I mean, is it a crime to have fun? I just don't think I'm ready... for anything. It's too much right now. I'm so sorry. Please don't be mad at me."

Maybe it was her sincerity. Maybe it was the shock of it all. Nah. It was the booze. I was completely lost and my brain stuck on one word: more beer.

At that moment, my friends called out to me from the street. Over the sound of a running car engine I heard them yell, "Come on, man! We gotta go!!"

"Umm... we... gotta go. Bye?"

I stepped off the porch and moved towards the car, a Pink Floyd song screaming out the windows. Her immediate silence suggested that she was just as confused as me. A yard shy of the sidewalk, I heard a shout from behind.


She ran off the porch and stopped in front of me, pointing her head to the ground just as I turned to face her.

"I know I'd hate myself and always wonder if I didn't do this."

She closed her eyes as she looked up and leaned towards me. Gently resting her hands on my chest, she stood up on her toes and kissed me. This was, of course, received with raucous cheers from my awaiting comrades.

After a few moments, she pulled away and made a little laugh; at once embarrassed, yet proud of our observed performance.


"Well, I'll see you. Soon I hope?"

"Umm... right. Take care?"


Even through the pitch dark, I could sense a wide grin on her face. I got in the car to the expected teasing of my buddies.

"Duuuuude! You work pretty quick in foreign territory! Who was that?"

"I... have... nofreakingcluewhothatwas. So where's the next party?"

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