The Fix

"So I think you should date my friend. You two would get along sooo well."

Crap. The setup. Never a good situation.

"Yeah? I don't know..."

"Oh c'mon. She's cute. Smart. Funny. Look, next time she's in town I want you to meet her."

"In town? Where is she usually? Some backwater mountain village?"

"No, nothing like that. She's just out of state."

"Out of this state? We're not exactly close to any other states. How far away are we talking?"

"I don't know. Like 8, maybe 9 hour drive. But once you guys start dating, then we can get her to move here and I can hang out with her whenever I want."

"So you're just pretending to help out your friends when really you're just thinking about yourself."

"Basically."

"That I can respect. She's not slutty, is she?"

"No way! Such an angel."

"Forget it. I want the next one to be a whore."

"Don't be an idiot. So let's take a road trip out there. It'll be great! But we have to go when her stupid boyfriend is out of town. I hate that guy."

"Boyfriend? Like, an ex?"

"No. The guy she's with now. Such a tool."

"You're trying to set me up with a girl who lives 9 hours away and is currently seeing somebody?"

"Technically they live together."

"Oh, only technically? Jesus. You're worse at picking out girls for me than I am. Well, almost."

"Great. I'll give her a call."