Gigolo Joe

they sell coffee "Good morning. Welcome to Starbucks. How can I help you?"

"Hey. Gimme a sec here... Umm... Let me haaaave a.... Hmm.... So many choices.... What the heck is a latt?"

"Oh. I think you mean latté. It's just coffee and milk."

"Really? Coffee AND milk? Huh. Sure, I'll take one of those."

"Alright, that will be $2.93 - Oh, I think you dropped a $5 bill."


"Next to your foot there. A $5 bill."

"No, I that's not - Wait. Are you offering me money to have sex with you?"

"What?! Where do you... How could that possibly... Huh?"

"Outrageous! I can't tell you how insulted... so how much are we talking here?"

"You're disgusting! I'm not going to -"

"Here's what we'll do: we'll both shout out a number and we'll just take the average. On three. One... two... three... 7 dollars!"

"I told you, I'm not going to - did you say $7? You sleep with strangers for $7?"

"Well... it's a number to start negotiations. I can go lower, but not much. I mean, I went to college. So that ups my value a good bit. But I do my own pimpin so there are no hidden fees or service charges or anything like that. It all goes right to the source. Plus I'm non-union so, you know, that's cut from the price. I pass the savings right on to you."

"Leave or I will kick you in the balls."

"Oh. You like to do it rough style? Okay. See, I should have mentioned that's gonna put the price up to $10. I have to cover my own health insurance and that's not cheap."

1 comment:

  1. So if you went to College you can get more than $7? I mean you say $10 for light S&M, but if you have your degree, and they want the S&M then what $10.25, $10.30? I say anything over $11 is highway robbery. I mean I can kick a bum in the face for free.

    Insane as ever. I worry about you sometimes.