"Good morning. Welcome to Starbucks. How can I help you?"
"Hey. Gimme a sec here... Umm... Let me haaaave a.... Hmm.... So many choices.... What the heck is a latt?"
"Oh. I think you mean latté. It's just coffee and milk."
"Really? Coffee AND milk? Huh. Sure, I'll take one of those."
"Alright, that will be $2.93 - Oh, I think you dropped a $5 bill."
"What?"
"Next to your foot there. A $5 bill."
"No, I that's not - Wait. Are you offering me money to have sex with you?"
"What?! Where do you... How could that possibly... Huh?"
"Outrageous! I can't tell you how insulted... so how much are we talking here?"
"You're disgusting! I'm not going to -"
"Here's what we'll do: we'll both shout out a number and we'll just take the average. On three. One... two... three... 7 dollars!"
"I told you, I'm not going to - did you say $7? You sleep with strangers for $7?"
"Well... it's a number to start negotiations. I can go lower, but not much. I mean, I went to college. So that ups my value a good bit. But I do my own pimpin so there are no hidden fees or service charges or anything like that. It all goes right to the source. Plus I'm non-union so, you know, that's cut from the price. I pass the savings right on to you."
"Leave or I will kick you in the balls."
"Oh. You like to do it rough style? Okay. See, I should have mentioned that's gonna put the price up to $10. I have to cover my own health insurance and that's not cheap."
So if you went to College you can get more than $7? I mean you say $10 for light S&M, but if you have your degree, and they want the S&M then what $10.25, $10.30? I say anything over $11 is highway robbery. I mean I can kick a bum in the face for free.
ReplyDeleteInsane as ever. I worry about you sometimes.